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This month’s Carnival of Aces post is about resiliency.

I think that for someone on the queer spectrum, and particularly on the asexual and aromantic spectrums, being resilient is a necessity. I have to be able to bounce back and recover from a lot of fears, self-doubts, and disbelief.

In my past, there’s a lot of things that chill me to the bone now. I look on past relationships, friendships, and how my life nose-dived into the gutter and I can’t help but feel angry at those involved, myself included. Those experiences taught me that what doesn’t kill me makes me live to face another day.

In my present, my mother refuses to believe that my asexuality is anything more than a ploy to deprive her of grandchildren. People are shooting people that are just like me. My queer co-worker is informing my other co-workers that I’m a ‘fake gay’ who actually likes men because I don’t feel sexual attraction to either gender. These experiences remind me that, in the end, only my opinion matters on these things because there are terrible people in the world who would deny me happiness.

In my present, I also have the support of my father and my friends, even the ones who don’t really understand what I mean when I talk about aces and aros and QP’s and how wonderful it is to read a novel with someone who is like me. They give me hugs and they give me space. They don’t push and they don’t pull me in one direction or the other. They teach me that there are so many ways to love and be loved.

I think, for me, the key to resilience is looking to the future. It’s looking to reading books that have asexual and aromantic characters. It’s looking to the fact that this year, there was an asexual flag at my city’s Pridefest. It’s looking to the fact that there are so many other people that want to know who they are and how they fit into the world.

For me, resilience is being able to have hope in the face of terrible things because you believe with your whole heart that things will be better someday.